Not Home for the Holidays: How to Find Joy as a First Responder Spouse

With the holidays around the corner, I'm gearing up for a season that's a bit different for me. There are still decorations popping up everywhere, more invitations to events than we could possibly attend, and a calendar that’s filling up on evenings and weekends. My partner is a first responder, and that means he’ll be on duty while most other families are together. I’m extremely lucky my husband has Christmas off this year (being 13 years on has its perks), but he will be working during other celebrations. And there’s always the possibility he’ll get called out or work late and I’ll end up solo or not going to something I had planned for myself. This isn’t different from the rest of the year but it hits harder during the holidays.

Over the years, we’ve figured out how to make the best of this time of year.

Here's what enjoying the holidays as a first responder spouse looks like for me:

I’ve learned to be flexible and plan ahead. We have celebrated Christmas Day at 5am and 12pm. The tree doesn’t get decorated on the same day every year. I plan shopping and meals as far in advance as we can.

I say no. I don’t pack our schedule like I used to. We want to enjoy time as a family and have downtime. I’ve even been known to say no to Christmas Day family dinner (ahead of time).

I focus on what we can control. I don't spend my energy upset about not being together (anymore). We can't control his schedule but I can control my reaction to it.

I invite people and ask for support. My parents and sister have come to our house on Christmas Eve for years. The house feels full of love, even when the love of my life isn’t there.

I'm grateful. Christmas isn’t a happy time for everyone and when my husband is working, he’s often busy going to calls involving families. It makes us grateful for our family.

If you’re a partner of a first responder who has to work on the holidays, I see you. I am you. I know how difficult this time of year can be. Do you need help building a flexible plan or how to enjoy the season while your partner is on duty? If so, I'm offering 1-hour Holiday Home Hero sessions at a low rate to support you in finding joy in celebrating your own way!

Book a Holiday Home Hero Session

Love always,

Chrissy