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Being married to a first responder is a wild ride. The long hours, the stress—it's a lot. But what keeps us going strong? Taking some time, just the two of us, away from it all, especially our kids. Last weekend my husband and I went away for 2 nights, the first time in over a year. We relaxed, reconnected, and had several conversations in daylight hours. It was glorious. At the end we said we would do this more often. We’ve said this before and then we typically go back to our daily, groundhog day-like lives. This is the first time I actually believe and will commit to making this happen at least 4 times a year. Here’s how and why I plan on doing it (and you can too!):
It doesn’t have to cost a lot (or any) money. We are extremely grateful a family friend lent us their ski chalet for the weekend for free. We decided to go out for supper both nights but brought our own food for breakfasts, lunch, and snacks. Even when the chalet wasn’t an option, on other occasions we have stayed home while the kids have gone to their grandparents. If you don’t have family nearby or to support, what about a kid swap with a neighbour or friend? We’ve started doing this and it creates a wonderful feeling of community and connection.
We get to have conversations we’re normally too tired to have. When you’re passing ships or only see each other early in the morning or late at night, important conversations are limited to a few minutes, interrupted, or not the quality/outcome we would like. This past weekend we worked on a new budget together. While it may not sound exciting, this was the first time we didn’t look at our money from a scarcity perspective. Usually we get our pay cheques and watch our balance go down like our gas gauge. Now we have a plan for how to make our money work for us vs. against and create savings instead of debt. The book “Baby Steps Millionaires” by Dave Ramsey offered a new and practical way of looking at money.
It was a reminder of the love we have for each other. Between raising two young and energy-filled boys, extra-curricular activities, working, maintaining a house, and relationships with friends and family, our relationship isn’t always prioritized. Having only each other to concentrate on brought up those warm, fuzzy, loving feelings that exist right under the surface.
Time alone doesn’t have to be on weekends. We have celebrated our anniversary with breakfast or gone to Costco during a weekday. While not the same as having a full day or two alone, a couple hours here and there makes a big difference!
When you live with a first responder, carving out time alone is more challenging than other relationships and I would say even more important. Facing the challenges, talking it out, and holding onto our individual selves are what keep us going. In the quiet times, away from the sirens and stress, we rediscover the power of our love—a force that can handle anything the first responder life throws at us.
Love always,
Chrissy
p.s. Are you finding it impossible to spend time just the two of you? I can help.
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